


Weak

by Kantayra of Yore (Kantayra)



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-04
Updated: 2004-08-04
Packaged: 2017-10-21 01:02:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/219180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra%20of%20Yore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With a little help from Spike and Illyria, Wesley finally gives in to his darker impulses. Wesley POV, dark Spike/Illyria/Wesley. Part of the 1000 Pairings Challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weak

From the Journal of Wesley Wyndham-Pryce (May 12th, 2004):

 _Occasionally, despite his own complex difficulties with life, love, and happiness, Angel has occasion to offer quite excellent advice. In retrospect, it should’ve been quite obvious, especially to one such as myself, who claims to have a grasp of both human and demonic natures. I can only blame my recent grief that I did not see the danger earlier. A fault of mine that I am, lamentably, too little aware of at most times._

 _I had agreed to Angel’s initial suggestion that Spike should watch over Illyria, only due to the extreme fatigue and emotional duress I suffered at the time. Despite it all, I doubt I would have even given in on this point were it not for my complete inability so survive even the lightest blows from the former god-king. I still rued the decision, however, locking myself into my office and behaving, if Charles is to be believed, in quite an irrational manner. Yet another weakness of mine. They do seem to be mounting up, don’t they? Leading to the cataclysmic events of last night…_

 _I had only abandoned my work when the night watchman curtly informed me that he needed to set the alarms for the doors on the executive floor. I begrudged him, yes, but I also saw an opportunity. While I was unable to work, I could allow myself to return to my obsession – and that is, indeed, the only term for my interest in Illyria._

 _I wasn’t surprised in the slightest to note that the training room was still occupied. Illyria, I have observed, requires little rest – if any at all – and rarely during the nighttime hours. As for Spike, it is plain as day – or should that be night? –  that his preferred hours are after the sun has set. So I was confident they wouldn’t have left for the evening, and, as I saw from the hallway that the training room lights were indeed on, I knew my assumptions had been correct._

 _That hadn’t prepared me for what I saw inside, however._

 _Odd, that I had never thought to view Illyria as a woman with woman’s needs before. After all, she occupied a woman’s body, and not all of the humanity that was…that once inhabited that body had been burned to ash. Yet I’d been so absorbed by what was lost, that I didn’t observe what was still there._

 _Spike, apparently, had no such difficulties._

 _My voice must’ve hitched when I saw them, tumbling across the floor, still prolonging their fight even as their naked flesh pounded together. They were beautiful and violent and passionate. They were everything that I had lost from life with Fred’s last breath. And they sensed me watching them._

 _I nearly fled when they turned, almost as one, to look upon me. I had no desire to see Fred’s body like that, cold and hard, while still small and frail, her naked thighs wrapped around Spike’s waist, welcoming him inside. In fact, it was rather like a nightmare at first. But then I remembered, no, this isn’t Fred. This is another, one who looks just like her but who can’t betray you._

 _It was that moment’s hesitation that did me in. Perhaps, the desire was already within me. It had been so long since I’d been with a woman and, on the surface, Illyria was what I’d desired for so long…_

 _So, when Illyria – with all her usual aloofness – suggested that she wished to further experiment with sexuality using two partners, I…failed._

 _I failed Angel by ignoring his warnings that my prolonged exposure to Illyria was driving away my sanity, destroying my judgment._

 _I failed Spike in not pulling him from that heartless illusion of a woman and showing him to proper way to preserve one’s soul._

 _And, most of all, I failed Fred, in that – in the end – I valued some small comfort in her body, rather than keeping her memory truly sacred. Failed her even further in sharing her body with a vampire, of all creatures._

 _And Illyria… I’m sure she didn’t feel failed in the slightest. After all, she’d finally won. She has us both now, her pets, her playthings. Beholden unto her as we find what little comfort we can in her body._

 _She has taken us both down a dark spiral, and I – for one – have little doubt that it’s destroying me already._

 _I should’ve listened to Angel when he told me to stay away from her. Some temptations are too seductive for even the strongest to resist._

 _And heaven help me, but I was weak._

 _Heaven help us all._


End file.
